Human-Animal Hybrids: America’s Next Manhattan Project

The British Parliament recently passed legislation approving research on human-animal hybrids (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/05/080519-AP-hybrids_2.html) and I hope that the US Congress will do the same.  Like many Americans, I was sorely disappointed when President George W. Bush called for a ban on creating human-animal hybrids in the middle of his 2006 State of the Union Address.  Hopefully the new Obama Administration will reverse that egregious policy.  In fact, the US government should embark on a new type of Manhattan Project and initiate a crash program to revolutionize the American military.  I do not think I am alone when I say we must have an army of human-animal hybrids.  Our ground forces are stretched precariously thin due to long deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan; the conflict in the latter country will require an influx of tens of thousands of American soldiers to regain the initiative against Al Qaeda and the Taliban.  We might even need to deploy more brigades at some point in the future.  Where will this manpower come from?  Obama wants to redeploy troops from Iraq to Afghanistan, but we might not be able to get out of Iraq as soon we hope or reduce our force level there as much as we would like.  And we currently have no strategic reserve left, which would obviously be problematic if a new conflict broke out that required US intervention.  Moreover, shuffling troops between Iraq and Afghanistan will not ease the strain on America’s fighting men and women and their families.  We clearly need what Cromwell referred to as a New Model Army.  Creating human-animal hybrids would give the US a seemingly unlimited amount of boots on the ground (we can be like China!).   How long would it take to develop such groundbreaking technology?  If history is any indicator it should take about 3-4 years (the same amount of time it took for the American scientific community to develop the atomic bomb), or perhaps eight (the period between Kennedy’s call for a moon landing and the realization of that dream) at most.  I am confident that the job can be done quickly if this nation devotes sufficient talent and resources to the undertaking.

 

An important question arises if we decide to pursue this hybridization program: What kind of creatures should we create?  There are many options which appear promising.  Pigs are supposedly very intelligent (and delicious!), so pig-men might be uber smart (I believe our fighting men should also be thinking men).  Bald eagle-men would have the ability to fly, which is always a plus, and would probably be super-patriotic.  Tiger-men would have cat-like speed and reflexes, which is critical in highly fluid combat situations.  I like the idea of monkey-men because monkeys are just plain awesome, but I cannnot think of any talents that monkeys have which would be of military value, although perhaps the ability to operate in trees easily would come in handy in jungle environments.  If anybody has ideas for other cool hybrids I would like to hear them, not just for my own intellectual benefit but for the good of the nation.

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